Thursday, December 23, 2010
I thought what would I write about? I still think about it. I still don’t know. It won’t matter to me that no one in this overly populated country would read this. I write this blog as a gay guy in his last teenage year, always been single but never devoid of love and his journey for true love (or at least a boyfriend). Does that even exist?
Now, we all have seen those movies where a women always just happens to run into the love of her life or that a raging horny homosexual’s new neighbor through some coincidence in this world turns out to be just the right Greek god he always wanted to spend his life with. Well, let me just put this straight, in a country like India, this scenario is just impossible. Sometimes I wonder, with the population like ours and anti-gay at that, if every person in this world comes out clean about his/her sexuality, India would definitely put any place which prides itself with the highest gay population to shame. Alas! A guy can dream, can’t he?
My love life has been, to put in very simple words, sucky. So what, you say? Yes, well aren’t we all looking for love? Everyone has the right to be heard. (Thank god, if not orientation tolerance, this country has biggest yet flawed democracy). You know what the weird thing is? I am sometimes (read most of the time) thoroughly convinced that I DON’T need to look for love. It will happen when it’s supposed to happen. Let my life take its own course. Sorry to be so blunt, but my dick is forever looking for a mouth and yes I’m still a virgin. Why, o why am I writing this! I don’t know, perhaps a gay guy or anyone will just read this..? Hellooo, anybody? I think there’s a writer in everyone. No matter if mine would not appeal to the hardcore religious and the wider demographic.
You already must be preparing yourself to break your computer screens, if you have come so far, well I am not gonna bore you with my ‘first moment when I knew I was gay’ shit. Let’s just get right down to it. In this post I want to tell you the first time I fell in love. Aah! The first love! Don’t we all remember it? Sorry to be kill joy but mine was well disastrous. Why?! I fell in love with a freaking (gasp) straight guy! I was in 10th grade. I have always been a private person, sticking to few people (doesn’t every gay tbh?) and him in his perfectly shaped, muscled body, perfect shoulders, broad yet welcoming chest and his eyes!! Those green eyes! Goes without saying that when I told him that I loved him (yes, I am over him now….am I?), he went speechless. Now that I look back, I wonder why didn’t he punch me or just run away screaming. Well, he was quiet for the next week and wasn’t talking to anybody. Ugh! Let’s not go into the gory details, the bottom line, he is STRAIGHT and I wasted 6 months of my life thinking that my undying devoted love could convert him. And what really happened? I obviously became the joke of the entire school. ‘woah! A Gay!’, yes a very foolish gay. Strangely, I don’t regret it at all. I learned the most valuable lesson in my life. Never ever EVER run behind a straight guy. It’s sad to see so many gay guys fanaticizing about straight men. Well, my first 'love' taught me to maintain my distance. Even touching them seems revolting to me now. Oh yeah! Straight gay haters! The feeling is mutual!
I have never had anybody walking up to me and hitting on me, I am talking about gay guys here, anyway, and twice I have had guys with whom something could have happened, but I pushed them away. That feeling of ‘I shall remain alone forever’ creeps in.
Enough for now, so to summarize, I write this blog, to seek people, who are willing to go along my never ending journey to find my love, my other half, my unexplored life, my perfect stud, ok…enough cheesiness, just to get a god damn boyfriend. And OBVIOUSLY I’ll remain anonymous.