Thursday, January 27, 2011

Semi Virgin

Yeah, you read it right. I did it! I totally did it!

It was probably the biggest disappointment in my life. Every image, every expectation, shattered….ruined. I met this guy on this gay dating website (yes, I know sad) and from there we got around chatting and then exchange of numbers and then texts followed by both of us wanting to meet up and have “fun” (His words not mine). This all may seem like a process but all of it took just one hour. So I met him this Sunday, 23rd. Before I tell you what actually happened on this date/fun-date, let me enlighten you with why I chose this guy. 9 inches. If anyone has been reading my blog, he/she would understand my obsession with this measurement. Isn’t it weird that before telling his name and asking for mine that guy showed me his dick? Yes, it was exactly 9 inches, no exaggerations.

We met. Typical South Indian (but not completely dark skinned….no people I am NOT racist), as tall as me, 6 feet, and medium built. If ever I had seen him somewhere, anywhere, I wouldn’t have given him a second glance but at that point of time all I could think was ‘Fuck, he has 9 inches; shit I am a virgin, crap I didn’t get any condoms, crap! I have only 6.5’. I went ahead with it. We talked for a while, completely random, I don’t even remember, and then we went to my room (I had rented one for the weekend).

He switched on the television, wanted to see some stupid cricket match! Well, we got naked, and gosh! That 9 inches! We started kissing. It was weird. Isn’t your first kiss supposed to make you feel that the world has stopped spinning? To make you forget everything else? To get your heart racing? To make you so much involved that you forget breathing? No, nothing happened. He was the worst kisser ever. His hands weren’t behind my back or anywhere for that matter. He never touched my face with his fingers. He never looked me in my eyes. Silly me, I didn’t stop even then. I got down to give him BJ. And it was disgusting!! It was so freaking big, I choked on it. He wasn’t even looking at me! He didn’t moan, even once. And when with great difficulty I went deepthroat he said ‘oh shit! A 6!’ (Cricket match). That would be a slap on the face on any prudent person….not me….i  was am a dickhead. I continued. Still. When I proceeded with my dick towards his mouth, he stopped me and said, ‘Dude, I don’t do oral’. Wtf? ‘Are you straight or something?’ Well to cut the crap and get to the bottom line, he gave me a bj with a condom on (Soo not hot, please NEVER and I mean NEVER give a BJ to any guy with a condom on, NOT worth it), came in my mouth. And then just left.

Oh! Anal you ask? I am a virgin, remember? I am a semi-virgin now. When he started doing it, argh! The pain!! The agony! I couldn’t do it. He tried it with 2 condoms but whenever he tried to push it in, I just couldn’t deal with the pain. So yeah, semi virgin. And of course, he was a top so I couldn’t do him.
So this was my first. Everyone’s first involves so much intimacy, passion, lust if not love. I cannot believe I wasted my first time on him. The whole idea of this blog seems so stupid now. I don’t want random hook ups ever. At this point, I want to mention my BFF, who after coming to know what happened with me, explained me what actually is wrong with my head and thank you( even though you may never read this my best friend). I feel so stupid now. Can’t believe it took such horrid experience to make me realize that. I’ll spare you gruesome details…it involved me puking out his cum and pubic hair later….well let’s just not go there.  Earlier I thought that I had reached that stage in my life, where I was thoroughly convinced that I’ll just go with the flow, just live in the moment, not wait for anyone, not chasing love but getting struck by it whenever it’s supposed to strike me. But I was wrong about myself. 

I can see clearly now.

Friday, January 21, 2011


Did I ever tell you about my college? Yeah, I HATE it. Not just because of my psycho room-mate, horrid hostel food (don’t get me wrong, my college ranking happens to be 2nd), but a complete lack of options. I have just three freaking gay seniors! (Those ball-less closet cases not counted). And guess what, all of them are bottoms. Argh!! Ok before you jump on me, I don’t have anything against bottoms but I cant stand one in a relationship. And one of them is 6’5”. Imagine what would be the size of his dick! Why, oh why is this world so cruel?
The thing is, I’m still confused about my position.

Top/Mostly top/ Frequently top?                                                                                                               Bottom/ Mostly bottom/ Frequently bottom/ Bottom-in-denial/ bottom pretending to be top only to get hotter guys?

I don’t f’ing know! I say that I am bottom cause I always imagine myself to be, but I’m not closed to the idea of top. My friend begs me to go full on top cause he thinks that all tops want to do is just fuck and use and fuck and enjoy and fuck and bottom takes all the pain (Stupid Straight Views). Which one is better? I asked a straight guy friend of mine – vaginal sex or anal sex? He said that fucking a tight ass is super hot. Top, then? I just know a little about pain (Dildos not a real dick. I wasn’t able to walk for some time after my first time!), so let’s see (hopefully) how a dick feels….

Monday, January 3, 2011

New Year, Buried Confessions

Happy New Year! Any resolutions? My resolution is to take this resolution business seriously. What was mine last year? Yeah Baby! Losing my virginity. No, I have not been successful. In this post I shall come clean. I have lied so much! And the stories I have been coming up in these past years! Ok, Fine! I was inspired by the movie Easy A a little (have you seen it, amazing isn’t it?) but I don’t think I have the guts to say the truth to my friends, so thank you anonymous blogging.
Lie No. 1: I am not a virgin.
Lie No. 2: I gave a standing BJ to 5 random guys on 5 different occasions while going to my tuitions.
Lie No. 3: I was in serious relationship with a 41 year old guy when I was sixteen. He got a tattoo on his muscled arm; his tattoo, my name.
(You hate me now, don’t you?, if you weren’t already.)
Lie No. 4: I am an expert in giving deepthroat.
Lie No. 5: Random guys make pass at me all the time.
Lie No. 6: My first (straight) love went gay only for me.
Lie No. 7: I have 3 F***Buddies.
Lie No. 8: I am not desperate.
Lie No. 9: I am over Justin Timberlake, James Franco and Zac Effon.
Lie No. 10: I think porn is for low-lives and I watch it rarely.
Lie No. 11: I don’t have a crush on the straight Edward Cullen-ish guy in my college (batch) and I don’t get up early hoping to see him go shirtless in the hostel washroom.
Lie No. 12: I am not vain, I don’t want a studly boyfriend, good personality will do.
Lie No. 13: I am happy with my 6.5 package.
Lie No. 14: I don’t masturbate twice (sometimes thrice) a day
Aah! The feeling of putting off load off your shoulders! I have said this before, I say it again, I couldn’t be happier with my decision of choosing to be anonymous. You know what is strange to me. Whole college knows that I am gay, all the people in my high school knew and I chose not to be identified here. I know I write really gay stuff and say too in my day-to-day life but seriously I do NOT anybody to know my obsession with dicks and everything I wrote in my previous posts! So here is almost everything I have been telling my friends. Why did I lie? I don’t know. It just got bigger and bigger and till this date going according to my lying machine, I have had sex atleast 30 times, been in love twice and have been in a relationship 5 times.  I cant stop it now.