Wednesday, April 13, 2011
High Hopes, Nil Results
One and a half month! I apologize for not being regular (for anyone who cares). Commitment is a bitch. In case you are thinking that the reason I was absent for so long might be because I found someone, well, you couldn’t be more wrong. But I am still trying.
1st guy – We met through a dating website. We chatted. We exchanged pictures. We exchanged numbers and talked. Then one hour before meeting he says that he has a confession to make. “Sure go ahead” I said. “Listen, I don’t know how to say this and I am really sorry. The picture I showed you is not mine. It’s just random guy I got off the internet.” End result = I got super pissed + disgusted but decided to meet him. To be polite he wasn’t what I was hoping for. Oh! Screw politeness, he was a fucked up, drugee looking, unclean, weird teeth-ish guy. I told him “fuck yourself” and ran, yes, literally ran away from him. The sad part, he
had has my number. He kept calling me to which I didn’t respond. The end.
2nd guy – Again, we came to know about each other through the website (not the same one though), we exchanged pics (this time it was the real one) and boy! He was hot! And then we exchanged numbers. We talked. And he turned out to be the perfect studly boyfriend I have always ever wanted! Smooth, no-nonsense, classy, so straighty that he would give me studliest straight friends a complex. One complication, actually two. He wasn’t looking for a relationship and he basically wanted a top for a bottom. I don’t like to put labels on anyone. God knows, I am always propagating ‘be yourself’ and Gooo Gaga!! He said he wasn’t into sissies. Is there any perfect way to define this? I don’t know. I had never thought about this before. After the conversation I actually went upto many of my friends and asked them to rate my sisseness. One said 94%, other said 65%, another 99.99%, some said 24%......bottom line I didn’t fit his criteria. So everything went to hell. But damn!! He was everything I wanted. But anyway, I can’t change myself to suit someone else. Just be who you are.
3rd guy – Another guy. Fairly good looking. Just got out from a one year relationship. Was about to go on a date with him and then I realized that there is NO FREAKING WAY IN HELL I am going to be anybody’s rebound guy. So this went to hell too.
4th guy – We both started chatting. He is gorgeous. Plus point, he said he’s into skinny guys. Wohoo!! And I gave him my number. I think I got one missed call from an unknown number once…….??????..........and he hasn’t replied back on the website nor has he texted on my number. Ok. Wait. It might look like I am such a sexual desperate wannabe, which I am, but please, I won’t let THEM see this side of me!! It was him who started the conversation. So you know, whatever. So this went to hell again, and why the FUCK hasn’t he still replied???
5th guy – He is so freaking amazing. He writes superbly. And he is studly (I have a thing for studs). I have actually warned all my studly friends not to come near me whenever I am drunk, I won’t be able to control. But I don’t want to make the first move here. We talk. Sometimes I don’t even reply (you have to show some unavailability right?), but I really hope something comes out of it. Still hoping for it not to go to hell.
6th guy – This is really recent. We started chatting. He was ok looking (atleast in the picture) and exchanged numbers and decided to meet. So when we were about to meet and meanwhile talking on the phone, I saw this guy “hey, are you wearing blue?” “Yeah I am”, Shit!! He was weird looking. God! I am so judgemental, no wonder I am alone. Anyway, I ran, literally ran, out of this situation too. And all this while he stood there waiting for me and then ultimately he abused me and went on to his “backup date/fuck buddy” and well I went to a bookstore with my sky high libido without any idea what to do about it. So I called the 1st guy. Fine!! I AM shallow!! According to him, I had decided to give him a second chance. But I just wanted to get laid. And I was feeling hungry and I needed someone to pay the bill. And we went to a restaurant (he paid the bill ofcourse) and I learned a very crucial and significant thing about him. He is filthy rich!! So I invited him to my room. Don’t worry, I am still a virgin. We did everything besides penetration. Sheesh!! He was hairy!! But he was really good at biting nipples. They still hurt. So I was NOT physically attracted to him at all but to his money.
I am going to continue doing sexual stuff with the 1st guy only because I can take him shopping and buy awesome stuff. I don’t really care about the emotional connection right now. I think it’s much easier not to think about it and just letting it go. But there’s a significant part of my brain which says not to continue with this. It’s really hard to get an erection around him you know, he’s not pleasant looking.
*One day later*
I ended it. Once and for all. He kept asking me to go out for dinner and I kept stalling him, so he asked to tell him honestly if I liked him or not and I said no. so yeah, this has gone to hell too.
On to the next adventure!!!! (Not really, I just wanted to write this and see how it sounds in my head)