Is ANYBODY reading this? Few days back I was just thinking - did I start writing this blog to actually reach out to people? To actually touch somebody’s heart? Or just seeing it somewhere public would make it look more real? That reading the things that I write on a supposedly anonymous blog would actually make me look at the real meaning behind what I actually write. I guess I am still figuring out the answer. I started out by writing that this blog signifies my journey of finding ‘the one’. Well, it’s been 2 months and 21 days since I got into a relationship. And let me tell you, it’s every bit flowery and sickly sugary as they say it is. He is 2 years younger than me and really smart and to me he is the most handsome guy on this planet.
Since the beginning of this relationship I have been trying to find out whether am I still lonely or not. You know what they say right. Everybody is alone, it’s just better to deal with it in a relationship.
Am I? Lonely? Still?
Sometimes I think I was just too comfortable blaming every misery of mine on my loneliness. At least there was something I could put the blame on. But then I realized I am just expecting everything to crash. Like this whole thing is just too good to be true. “I hate the world for giving me everything and then taking it back” Sometimes I think my flair for drama will be the doom of me. I am still figuring stuff out. I love him. Yeah I do. I really do. I wasn’t sure before but I am now. 2 months is too early you say? Well fuck you. Who has ever decided what the real definition really is? I am just scared. I don’t want it to ever end. I don’t wanna go through what I was before again. Is that why I got into this? Just to get out that hollow space I was in? That I was just so tired of waiting that I saw this opportunity and just grabbed on to it? I have had these questions swirling inside my brain a lot of times. But somehow, my heart tells me not to believe them. Am I settling? I am 20 for god’s sake. Don’t you need to go through a lot to do that? I ask too many questions, don’t I?
The unsurety. That’s what keeping the relationship real for me. And I am loving every minute of it.
Popular posts from this blog
Everyone keeps talking about how great open relationship really is. Yes it is. In case you were wondering that this post was going to be me bitching about open relationships, it isn't. However, I do want to talk about what the most difficult part for me has been...being in an open relationship. It's been my tussle with figuring out intimacies. One thing that I have always been very clear in my head about before going into bed with anyone is that I can NOT get it up without being intimate with the other person. By intimacy I don't mean showering 'I love you's' or 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' (thinking of which I have said 'I love you' to barely 5 people in my life) but requiring a minimum level of attachment with the other person. It could perhaps be me being attracted to the way he smells, or how intelligent he is, or good to talk to. I can not do anything without talking to the other person for some good time (which
I am now writing my first post of 2016! Sorry for taking 4 months since writing my last post. I was going through a terrible job crisis (which I have now quit and feel incredibly happy about, so yay!) and was just not in the mood to write anything. First of all, I don't know if I have mentioned this before or not but I am not anonymous anymore about DUG (Ugh, short form of my blog doesn't sound too cool, does it?). I have linked my instagram profile and twitter account to this blog. So I thought I would link both of those here as well. Second of all, it's been more than 5 years since I started writing this blog bitches! I am not ashamed of admitting that I had started writing my diary after watching the first episode of first season of The Vampire Diaries (yes, very lame but I am still watching the show and it has become very very painful) AND that I started writing this blog after watching Sex and the City (too bad I don't have fucking amazing deals like C
I remember I saw you the first time in a Youtube video. Just another celebrity crush I guess. I obsessed about you. I obsessed about going to Tihar and fantasized about meeting you as your lawyer. To see deep into your eyes, feel your (supposed) pain and touch you while quoting obscure penal sections on sedition. I imagined your deep husky voice wrapping me. After that my regular visits to JNU (Jawaharlal Nehru University) became……sexual visits to JNU. Random streets for me started acquiring intimacy. Silly administrative block steps became potential PDA spots. One afternoon, I finally saw you. I saw you lying down on a sofa, with your head on your girlfriend’s lap and I recalled countless boys I had fantasized about before and how their girlfriends were always the Komolika to my Kausauti Zindagi Ki. You casually looked up, saw me for one second and continued on with your life. The moment I left the room, I imagined how you would leave the room. You would think who that boy w