Showing posts from 2013

To say what I can't

It's 4:18 a.m. and I cannot sleep. My eyes are swollen. My head just starts screaming on it's own. I want to write this for myself. Writing has always helped me before and I thought if I won't write down something....anything that is going on in my head then I would never be able to move on(?) I don't know. I never thought I would have to use this word. For few seconds I think what am I even bothered about? Million people go through break ups. People hurt, grow out of it and learn from their experience. Hell, this is just a break up. People go through so many severe losses. In my own country people are dying of terrorism, hunger, communal violence, civil wars and what the fucking fuck am I crying about! 
But I just can't get myself to dilute my own problem. First of all, I don't blame him. Nor do I blame myself. It's too painful to recount all the amazing moments I had with him throughout my year long relationship, but I do cherish them and will for the re…

My Glorious affair with Porn

I love porn. Gay porn. Hardcore bareback gay porn. Hardcore bareback bed-shaking cum-exploding gay porn.
What’s wrong with it? Why am I even bothering with this post about porn? Because sometimes I prefer jacking off to porn than letting my boyfriend give me a blowjob. There! I said it! I don’t know how to explain this. Porn has been in my life since 6th grade! It’s like being with this hot boyfriend who will never let you down and comes in so many varieties.
I am not ashamed to admit that in my 10th grade I had imagined my whole life in my head with Mason Wyler. We had 2 kids, one with his cute smile and my black eyes. The other one with my black hair and his blue eyes. But it didn’t work out. Because he was jealous of this other guy I was friends with who openly admitted to having feelings for me. What could I have done! He was a friend and I just couldn’t quit on our friendship. Then I dumped him (Mason).
Then he happened. Brent Corrigan. I still giggle when I think about him. H…

A tale of a Cut Dick and a Tight Hole

Why is Anal sex so fucking hard? Dear readers, I have tried to do it with my boyfriend at least 20 times and as much as I would like to post this on a proctologist’s website, I shall refrain myself from doing so. Everytime we try to do it, FUCKING LORD, it pains so much that I just can NOT fucking do it. I did take the head inside once, and I swear on Gaga’s name, I thought I was gonna shit on my boyfriend’s dick!
One day, I set up the whole room, took a bath, cleaned every fucking hole in my body (inside AND out) and I got a scented candle for god’s sake! Put on a sexy playlist, a drink and you know blah blah. That night I was ready to lose my virginity for good. And guess what? By the end of it I found it so hard to take it in that I started crying “I am going to die a virgin and never have sex in my entire life.” Yeah…..that’s not something what you say when a guy is trying to put his cock inside you. It’s not like I am not attracted to him. I do love him. And once when his face w…