Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Dear Eternal

I remember I saw you the first time in a Youtube video. Just another celebrity crush I guess. I obsessed about you. I obsessed about going to Tihar and fantasized about meeting you as your lawyer. To see deep into your eyes, feel your (supposed) pain and touch you while quoting obscure penal sections on sedition. I imagined your deep husky voice wrapping me.

After that my regular visits to JNU (Jawaharlal Nehru University) became……sexual visits to JNU. Random streets for me started acquiring intimacy. Silly administrative block steps became potential PDA spots. One afternoon, I finally saw you. I saw you lying down on a sofa, with your head on your girlfriend’s lap and I recalled countless boys I had fantasized about before and how their girlfriends were always the Komolika to my Kausauti Zindagi Ki. You casually looked up, saw me for one second and continued on with your life.

The moment I left the room, I imagined how you would leave the room. You would think who that boy was, why he left you with a sense of familiarity, that you wanted to feel that familiarity by calling out to me, by touching my hand…. That was the day when I finally got interested in JNU politics. I started looking for sexual undertones in every slogan of yours. I started noting the difference of the tone of your voice whenever you said ‘hum kya chahte’, never mind what came after that.

The second time I saw you was in your hostel. You didn’t notice me this time. My eyes followed you around the room. Funny thing about standing out because of your sexuality is that even though people see you, they unsee you. They avoid your eyes. They don’t look into you the way you look into them. You didn’t care. I had to pretend that I was there for the cause and not for you. I had to appear confident when you asked for donation for your party.

Over the years, it has become so easy to look for familiarity in strangers. It has become so easy to fall in love with strangers. To have a parallel world running inside me, solely motivated by my desires for you. Where you will love me, touch me, fuck me….not reject me. The next time you noticed me, you saw me. Not for me, but for the way I looked. You had that smile. The smile I saw on countless boys in school and college and continue to see on strangers in metro, streets. The smile which makes me look away. The smile which tells me that I don’t belong here. The smile which tells me that I should be made fun of. I pretended that I didn’t notice. While walking away I imagined you standing up for me in front of your friends. I imagined you running behind me, tapping me on my back, and I turn and you say ‘aapko yahan maine pehle bhi dekha hai’. I smile and I say no and I walk away. I leave you wanting more.

I came close to you in another rally. I was drunk. I walked close to you. I subtly leaned forward and smelled you. God! You smelled better than I thought you would. I could taste the heaviness of your sweat. I could feel the fabric of your kurta touching your skin. I saw your sweat covering your back. I saw those droplets shaped like someone had scratched your back in a moment of ecstasy. I followed you the entire rally.

I felt good. No, really I did. This time I didn’t run any scenarios through my head. This time I walked away, thinking about the smell of your sweat.

Just that.
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I only imagined you falling in love. I only imagined my non-familiarity to your love.       

12 comments:

  1. Couldn't you find a better dick to fantasize than of a fuckin traitor?

    You're such a pathetic son of a bitch! I'm glad I won't have to visit this stupid blog once again because I'm sure that someday you'll write a post about how you fantasized your dad's dick!! Because that's how much of a sick horny ass you are!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehe. Off all the ridiculous shit I have written on this blog you found THIS offensive.

      And no, I am more into Daddies than Dad, if you know what I mean. But lord knows how many times I have jacked off to stepdad-son porn. And yup. Sick horny ass not gonna deny.

      Also, SO upset that you won't come here anymore

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    2. Dear Anon,

      Evidently you have never fantasized, or had, a traitor's dick. Oh, the wonders you are missing out on.

      It's not a simple dick, you know. It is not your tongue sliding from the bottom to the tip, circling around the girth and then just sweeping up the precum at the top. No, it is the smell and taste of the traitor that turns you on more. Oh when they have pinned you back against the bed, and their dick thrust into your face, your eyes meet. You know that even in death, that cum would be better than nectar you could ever taste. As their tongue circles around your nipple, un-threatening before you feel the sharp pang of teeth onto it. So unassuming you were, thinking that he was to pleasure you. Oh no, your pleasure lies in his and those nipples of yours are but a treat for him.
      And finally when he pins you down and keeps thrusting himself inside. You want more, you say. It's dangerous, he says. And there lies the fun. He keeps on thrusting and instead of pain you feel the deepest darkest pleasure of your life. You want that thick dick to not leave your ass, ever. He grabs you, and throws you onto the bed. You land on your back, and he pulls you closer by your legs. And it continues. You strain and sit, to slide your tongue up the middle of his chest, licking those little beads of sweat as they stick to his till you reach his lips. And as you are about to kiss, he bites your lips and pushes you back. You know, it's coming closer. Your end.

      He pulls out. You look at him, like all hope is lost. But slowly, he slides off the condom and thrusts back. Deep inside a new feeling is born, one you have never felt before. Suddenly all of your inside feels warm, as you lie on the bed with his cum slowly dripping out of your ass.

      He goes, clothes himself and leaves. The traitor was never better, either in sneaking up on you or betraying. But you knew it. You wanted it. You craved it. Deep down, you needed it. Not because you were powerless. But because you wanted him. A traitor finally made you feel home. Don't tell me that you didn't feel good all through it.

      Love, 
      dd.

      Delete
    3. Haha. I feel like this reply is better than even my post!

      Delete
  2. Lol. This exchange is the best ending to this story

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  3. Write another post you pervert! Don't dodge now, okay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So happy to share these posts with fellow perverts <3

      Delete
  4. Is this about Umar or Kanhaiya?

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  5. Is this about Umar or Kanhaiya?
    love this soo much btw

    ReplyDelete